“What Do You Do All Day?” Feeling Invisible as a Homemaker

Most Stay-At-Home-Moms heard this question at some point in their lives. And it can feel awful because the person asking seems to feel like you don’t do anything all day. Of course, you know you do so much! But how do you cope with feeling invisible as a homemaker?

IMPORTANT: This content does not constitute medical advice. If you’re experiencing symptoms of depression, please seek support from a friend or healthcare professional.

Sunday morning by Jacobus Scholten

Why do SAHMs feel invisible?

There are several reasons why you feel your work is unseen. I think society plays a big role. Sadly, we don’t live in a culture where full-time homemakers are appreciated much.

According to society, it would be better if we all just hopped on the career paths and made some money. That’s the narrative that’s repeated over and over.

So, those who work outside the home may honestly not understand what life is like if “home” is your world. And see the value of it.

What do SAHMs do all day?

If you are a full-time homemaker or mother, you know you have your hands full. You know all too well how overwhelming days can be. You pour your everything into the home and your children.

There is so much you do that’s unseen. Outsiders may see your children play outdoors, but they don’t see the piles of laundry you folded at midnight.

There isn’t a one-on-one compensation for much that you do. Someone working a 40-hour job receives a salary. But for homemakers, some of their “rewards” are intangible and may not be visible for years.

Homemakers have their hands absolutely full. Homemaking is a full-time job, especially if there are children to be homeschooled.

How to answer the question: “What do you do all day”?

Instead of feeling like you owe anyone an explanation for not being in the “work force”, turn it around.

You could reply kindly: “My days are packed with caring for the children and the home. I honestly don’t understand how people can combine it with a job outside the home.”

This turns the questions back to the person who asked you. And you don’t have to worry about forgetting to mention some of the things you do.

Just answering that your days are packed is enough. You don’t owe anyone an explanation of how you spend your time.

If the other person is genuinely interested in how you spend your days, they will ask, and they will let you know they admire what you do. Otherwise, they probably just want to let you know that what they do counts just a bit more.

Just answering that your days are packed is enough. You don’t owe anyone an explanation of how you spend your time.

If the other person is genuinely interested in how you spend your days, they will ask, and they will let you know they admire what you do. Otherwise, they probably just want to let you know that what they do counts just a bit more.